its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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