The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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