I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
