Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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