I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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