she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
