I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
