fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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