what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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