i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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