I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
