no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Randomize
