If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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