that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
