Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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