Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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