Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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