Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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