I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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