okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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