I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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