You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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