I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
