life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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