Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
are you so shy because you have an std?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
