Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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