imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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