Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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