oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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