when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
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In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
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I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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