good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
