don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
