Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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