Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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