Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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