If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
