at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
