i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
