I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
