i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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