she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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