He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
