so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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