Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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