It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
