I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
