Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
