if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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