I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
