I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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