I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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