I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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