HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
