I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
