Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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