Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
wow bdsm is so cute
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