Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
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