I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
