The maid of honor just puked.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Someone shit on the floor
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
