she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
