Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
