drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
