he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
