They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
