I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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