You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
