ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
