why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
