i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
