if you like me you must not know who I am
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
