you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
