Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
