forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
