I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
