All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
