i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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