Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
